Okay, so our broadband is actually rubbish.

And it's been delayed till at least the 3rd.
That's a whole new month!! !

How ridiculous.

Now my next update is going to have to be even more 'epic' than it was going to be before.

Seriously though, uni work time now.

In (hopefully) 1 hour and 32 minutes...

...I should have the internet again so that I don't have to trek 50 miles to a desolate computer lab in order to check my lack of emails.

Expect a mind-blowingly EPIC update tomorrow guys.
xxx

No, it's not man-flu, actually

It amazes me that I do still have to clarify that, even though it's fairly obvious that I'm a girl and am therefore logically immune to Man-Flu.
Also, I'm not a pansy.
(..Just sayin')

Now, I'm never one to dramatise a situation, but when I woke up this morning, I was fairly sure that I would later in the day recreate a fairly famous scene from a 1979 sci-fi film...


If we're honest, I shouldn't watch any kind of media when I have a fever. It's just not clever.
But I really was very ill. My tummy was really rumbly and painful so moving was a challenge... Unless I was doubled up in a sneaky, spy way, but in reality, I couldn't have crept up on anyone because my tummy would have alerted my prey to my prescence (worst spy ever). I also found that digesting was apparently something I wasn't allowed to get round to doing, and nothing I could think of doing was helping to make me feel better.


So instead, I curled up in my bed and cried.
BECAUSE I'M A REAL MAN.

By the way, that anti alien cord is a direct link to the PM's office. It sends out a code red emergency! True story.


Anyway, once my fever came down low enough for me to return to the real world, I remembered that I had been given some kind of super-pill by my lovely friend.


Seriously, it was almost as big as my head.
I took it (somehow), and within half an hour or so, all the sickness had gone away! And I was just starting to feel better when my sister very kindly waltzed into my room (without knocking, by the way) and greeted me with "wow, you look attractive."
Hey, thanks Decaf. That's exactly what I want to hear when I'm busy dying.
I retorted with a very quick, overly defensive remark about how I was poorly and was therefore allowed to look a mess. Which clearly demonstrated to anyone with an interest in Psychology that I was already very aware of how ugly I was and that her remark had been a little too honest for my liking.
Though, irrespective of my sister's kind words, I was feeling much, much better. I even felt well enough to now start complaining to people that I was poorly.
I love medicine.

Honestly, to anyone studying or practicing pharmacology/magic - you guys are cool.

First; Find the microphone

Second step; Say "start listening"

Hello?
Oh! Wow!It really is that easy.
Right, I suppose I'll have to explain myself.


I'm currently trying to utilise my windows speech recognition program. All it took to get to the stage where I can talk out loud and have the words appear on wordpad was an 80 hour tutorial, but I made it! It's working okay... I'm just having few issues because it doesn't really understand my accent. Like, I can supposedly delete anything it writes wrong by simply saying "delete that", but it can't understand me, so I have to repeat myself and put extra emphasis on the vowels.

Though I suppose we can't expect miracles... And I have to admit it is incredibly cool to dictate what I want to write and have it written for me.
It's also really fun, despite being incredibly time consuming. I'm literally having the time of my life by talking to myself. If anyone in my house is awake they must think I'm absolutely mental... Especially now that I've said that.

Ah, I should also probably explain that I'm going to paste this over to blogger after speaking it to wordpad... Using my voice!

Eeeee.
This is actually really exciting!
Providing you ignore how incredibly frustrating it is to have to use this program, because it likes to literally puts words into my mouth. For example, when I tried to say " mega fat tomorrow" it tried to say "mega false teeth blaster".
I think this is a revolutionary idea from windows.

But it's not what I actually intended to say, so I had to go through the whole "delleeett" thing again.

Also, I'm a little bit worried about how dangerous this kind of technology is. If I can simply talk to my email in order to reply to a message, how am I supposed to develop R.S.I. and get compensation for it in later life?!
How?!
I'll have to turn to forging doctor's notes and become a criminal, and then the police'll find out and then I'll have to go on the run and eventually be arrested.


Thank you Windows.

Though I do look good in handcuffs;)

Passwords

This is one of my all time pet peeves.
When typing in a password on the internet, it very cleverly disguises my typing as big black circles so that spyware and real spies can't steal my information. Clever indeed.
EXCEPT that I can't see what I'm bloody typing. I have to delete my password about 5 times in a paranoid fashion to try to make sure I've spelt it right.

"A-..wait. Did I actually press the 'a' button then? Lemme check... oh wait. *DELETE*"


Also, I'm incredibly skilled at making typos, and as I am unable to check my typing by reading my input, I have to make the backspace button my new favourite friend.


However, the backspace will one day find out that I'm using him for my own selfish needs and then he'll probably release crumbs into my harddrive or something.

Anyway, I'm like the typo QUEEN.
For example, I'm really good at getting two letters the wrong way round, like "typnig". If my password was in fact, "typnig", then cool beans, but if it's actually "typing", then I'm screwed. You only usually get about 3 attempts at guessing your password before the system blocks you out because it believes you're a regular little 'baddie', so it's imperative that you get it right, really.
IT'S STUPID.

And then you have to slow your typing right down in order to ensure you have pressed the right letter on your keyboard. But then, this slow movement allows other people near you to spell out your password, so it's a risky move.
Also, even if you could type super fast and super accurately, very cleverly defeating the little black circle system, what if someone installed some kind of camera onto your keyboard?!


Grar.
Also, it's supposed to be a "code", right? It's coded so no one who's unauthorised can access it. It's undoubtedly the worst code ever made. It looks like "make-your-own-secret-code" homework written by someone who left it a little bit too close to the deadline.


Brilliant work there, 'Alan'.


I'm grateful that no one can access my information, but for GOD'S SAKE, can someone please at least create a more entertaining code?




Make it so.

I'm clever really.

Okay, we all have these "genius" days, where problem solving is the easiest thing in the world, and you feel like every notion to enter your noggin is some kind of revolutionary concept that people will be talking about in years to come as a changing point in history. However, these 'brilliant' ideas usually turn out to be pretty terrible ideas in disguise. I, personally, am actually really good at dreaming up these corkers of ideas, and they usually leave me with an overwhelming feeling of wonder. "With ideas like this, how on Earth am I still alive?".

It can be any kind of idea, like a way of stopping the bad connectivity with the on-the-wall plug socket by using sellotape;


Which is something you won't do twice...

Or thinking that because your cat's been out in a rainstorm, that a hairdryer is the sensible option.

Which is probably something you would do twice, purely as revenge.

OR, putting a new lightbulb in with the switch 'on' so that you can tell if the bulb's actually working at the time.

Ultimately you realise that yes, the bulb is in full working order, but now you have visions of coloured blobs and you lack any kind of finger-print identity. Not really worth it.
.... unless you're a super-criminal.

Or opting to carry 25 glasses all stacked up in an incredible tower when glass-collecting at the bar you work at in order to save doing two trips.


Consequence: lots of sweeping.

My most, most stupid idea this week was to test whether blue cheese is mouldy or not. Now, a fun-fact is that I am reasonably allergic to Penicillin. Apparently all kinds of crazy things can happen if I ingest some, but luckily I have never been allowed to, as I had a breaction to Amoxycillin which is like mild Penicillin. Doctors aren't really 'risk-takers' with that kind of thing.
But anyway, it is common knowledge that penicillin is made from Penicillium fungi, which is basically mould... Can you see where my clever idea stemmed from?

As it turned out, despite only biting a pea-sized amount of cheese off the block, I felt sick for about an hour, and developed a rather attractive rash that lasted well until the next morning.
Well done Sam.
Though I did in fact prove that it is simply mouldy cheese.

These are all seemingly good ideas in face value (with the exception of the genuinely stupid cheese incident), but obviously not in terms of actuality.
You'd think though, that after 19 years of doing incredibly stupid things, I'd have learnt that some things should be thought through slightly more thoroughly before being acted upon. But no. I clearly just enjoy living dangerously.

I like to think of it as being "ridiculously optimistic".