A Short Story; The Life Of A Bubble

Weeee! Up, down, uppp, floating, up, down a bit more, higher, round, ooh, a breeze.
ARGH, NO! A CHILD'S FINGER IS HEADING MY WAY!
HELP ME!
HELP!
YOU THERE, CONTROL YOUR CHILD!
No, wait... WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING THIS?!
YOU'RE A TERRIBLE MOTHER, ARRRGGG-
Pop.

The end.



Yeah, that'll make you think twice before popping bubbles.

I Like To Think I'm Funny

I worked my first day-shift today at the bar that I work at, and there are lots of incredibly fun jobs to do that aren't possible to do at nighttime, like;
cleaning all the shelves,


learning how to make coffee with the biggest coffee machine in the world, and writing on the chalkboard. The latter of which is something that is very time consuming and difficult. It has to be straight, legible, of reasonable size, consistently written, blahblahblahhhhblahblahblah. I knew that if I was given it as a job then I'd be doing it for absolutely ages, 'cause I'd have to re-do it over and over and over, so I asked if my colleague could do it instead and he refused. Point blank.
"I can't write straight, Sam".
But how did he know I could? I'd never done it before, so his excuse was proper rubbish, but it did need doing, and it distracted me from my other... fun ... jobs... so I hypothesised many variations of how I should re-write the board....


Ahahahaaaaaa, I'm so witty. Seriously, I'm underappreciated.

BLOGGER, STOP IT.

"Error 503"

"Service unavailable"

DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE PMSING, LET ME UPLOAD PHOTOS.

Do you see what you cause, BLOGGER?
You cause angry metaphorical bursts of hot lava and ash to EXPULSE from my being.
You have therefore destroyed the tiny conceptual village of tranquility just to the right of the angry volcano, and you shall therefore feel my tiny wrath.



Seriously though, fix your website.

A Week Of Sam's Life

Right, stop pretending you think my blog is full of useless, arbitrary rambles, and instead focus on how awesome it is and just shuuu'p and listen.

I've had a pretty chilled week... If you ignore the night I got a little bit tipsy and many crazy things happened... (the less detail, the better there, I think)... And I've had a lot of spare time to become incredibly bored.

Television is fine, but I looked in the mirror on Wednesday and realised that I was becoming a terrible cliché.


(See what I did there!)

So I decided to start find other ways to pass the time, starting with some exotic baking, but baking takes time and effort, and more importantly, makes me put on about 2 stone because I have to eat EVERYTHING.


(Pronounced sc-ons, not sc-ohns)

THEN, I experimented with a tiny dashing of pure party fun, fuelled by a few too many cocktails and some rather disgusting out-of-date budweiser (though it was only 70p). But the outcome of this was even worse...


(I wish that was a drawing.)

I also tried going to Ikea.... Though that was a slight waste of time, as the only useful things I bought were a lamp and some sharp knives.


(And of course, I borrowed a pencil or two..)

But in all seriousness, I have led a very, very boring life this week. This blog post is actually a secret plea for help.
Please.
Someone.
INVITE ME TO DO SOMETHING.
Thanks mugaluffins <3

GIANT ENVELOPES

The title of this post is very self-explanatory.

I woke up this morning with a brilliant (if I do say so myself) idea brewing in my noggin. This idea was so great that it basically saw me out of bed before the day developed into afternoon-ton, which is really quite spectacular.

The idea was that I would create a gift for my lovely man-muffin, that I could then post to him at University, and he'd get it and be surprised and amazed and hopefully amused. (Though I shan't go into great amounts of detail in case he stumbles across this before it arrives...) I slaved away for at LEAST half an hour in order to create my masterpiece, and then realised the one fatal flaw.
If I planned to post it to him, how on earth was I going to go about doing that? It's flat, but can't be bent, so an average envelope is out of the question, and I've had strict instructions that parcels are a pain in the arse so to avoid sending them at all costs... This stupid flaw in my method made my excitement deflate a little, but I managed to come up with a reasonably sensible solution. I put it between two sheets of card and then used one of those bubble-wrap envelopes and simply wrote "do not bend" on it.
I know, I'm a genius.

After all this, the plan was back in motion and I went to go post it.

(Ignore that the post box looks like a penguin in disguise.)
So with a SECOND flaw in my plan, I had to resort to the unthinkable.
I went inside the post office.
*dun dun dunnnn* #dramatic music


I am currently in the process of writing a letter to the council suggesting that they make GIANT post boxes so that I am never inconvenienced again.

GREEN LANTERN

Right, I'd like to ask you to imagine a scenario.

It's late at night.
You're not actually tired because you didn't get out of bed 'till about half past 3, so you're browsing the internet looking for something to occupy your time.
Now, don't get the wrong idea here. You're not a pervert or a male, so you're not looking for porn. You're simply clicking arbitrary links, and thus learning random facts about whales that no one should ever know, and finding bargains on ebay that you don't need, when SUDDENLY...
You find something that makes you giggle like a little kid anticipating the ice cream man in his glorious ice cream van.
You have discovered a film that you. must. see.


Tadaaa! The Green Lantern.
The one superhero film you've always said they should make as you bitterly sat through 3 Spiderman films that gradually decreased in entertainment value and general levels of good-ness.
Not only is it featuring the greatest flippin' hero ever. It's got Ryan Reynolds cast as Hal Jordan, and Sinestro is played by Mark Strong, who was BRILLIANT in Sherlock Holmes and has the best last name in the world.
Need I say more? The answer to that clearly rhetorical question is no. No, I need not say anymore.
The ONLY bad thing about this whole thing is that there's still a year to wait.
SOMEONE INVENT A TIME MACHINE FOR GOD'S SAKE.

As a protest to the long wait, I'll wear a costume (similar to the one above) all day, everyday till the release date. Fathers for Justice, eat your heart out.

P.s. if you take me to see this film, I will love you unconditionally... for at least a day or something.

Moving Back To University

Honestly, I don't think there is anything in the world that provides more of a challenge to someone who's method of organising their belongings is simply to remember where they put it in amongst the mess. My Aunt once referred to this systematic method as "organised chaos". Moving back to University is in fact such a challenge to people abusing this method simply because it involves packing. Packing everything you culd ever possibly hope to want in one house, but into small enough containers that it'll all fit into one car.

This would be difficult enough by itself, but then presented with the task of first sorting out all the items that you want to pack by finding them in your house and then organising them into appropriate boxes/suitcases/handbags/mountains of things, it becomes the hardest chore of your life.

I approached this task sensibly by making a list of things I want to take with me.
But of course, I forgot half of it.

So then I tried packing anything and everything.
But there was no logic to the system and I immediately forgot what I had or hadn't packed and got myself very confused.

Ultimately, there is no good way of going about it without spending 12 days preparing your belongings, so in the end I opted the "screw it." kind of attitude and just piled up everything I wanted to take with me.

I'll make it fit in the suitcase if I die trying.