Basically it's a very boring story about a huge fight breaking out because a man tried to piss on a woman's leg and another guy didn't like him anyway and thought he'd hit him in the face or something.
It was all sorted out very professionally with one guy on the floor unconscious and another guy gushing blood from his face. Also, to add insult to injury, the bloody guy was wearing a white shirt.
(Mistake).
Anyway, I run in to grab my phone, dial 999 and expect y'know, a 5 second conversation "Ambulance to the Ferrands Arms in Bingley, please!"
No.
That's not how it went down at all.
In actual fact, I think the woman on the other end of the phone was either a sadist who enjoyed other people's suffering, or she was simply playing the "question game".
"What's the nature of your emergency?"
Just told you I need an ambulance.
"Where's it for?"
Just told you.
"I need the street name"
It's just off main street opposite market square in Bingley.
"Street name or I can't do anything."
(so now I have to go back inside the bar to ask someone where we are)
Right. Queens Street.
"What's actually happened?"
(I explain the story)
"So how many casualties are there?"
One and he's bleeding from his head.
"Can you please tell me where the patient is injured?"
Seriously? I've just told you.
"I need you to clarify where the patient is injured."
His head.
"Right... Are you with him now?"
No, I'm on the phone to you where it's quiet, the bouncers are looking after him.
"Well, you need to be with him or I can't help you."
I can't feasibly get near him, I just need an ambulance.
"I'm sorry, Miss, but I need your co-operation."
GRAGAGAGAAGAARARARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I asked someone else to finish the call.
I assume they managed it because an ambulance eventually did arrive.
Stupid woman.
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